Homer (to Marge who is a bit tipsy): Snap out of it Marge! You've gotta come with me, the boss is going to make a toast.

Marge: Whoa, oh, I'm not much of a drinker.

Homer: You picked a perfect time to start.

Homer: When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

Homer: No beer and no TV make Homer go crazy.

Homer: To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to all of life's problems.

Barney Gumble: An election!? That's one of those deals where they close the bars, isn't it?

Homer: OK Brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you, so let's get this over with so I can get back to killing you with beer.

Bart: Hey, Dad, can I have a sip of your beer? Homer: Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs.

Homer (to Marge): They didn't have any aspirin so I got you some cigerettes.