It's a Wonderful Life

Teacher at School for the Gifted: Bart, what other paradoxes affect our lives?

Bart (hesitantly):Well, you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't.

Homer: Oh. My dreams will go unfulfilled? Oh, no! I don't like the sound of that one bit. That means I have nothing to hope for. Marge, make it better please, can't you make it better, huh?

Marge: Homer, when a man's biggest dreams include seconds on dessert, occasional snuggling and sleeping in til noon on weekends, no one man can destroy them.

Homer: When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

Homer: I agree with you in theory Marge. In theory communism worked. In theory.

Bart: Cartoons don't have messages, Lisa. They're just a bunch of hilarious stuff you know, like people getting hurt and stuff, stuff like that.

Homer: I guess some people never change. Or, they quickly change and then quickly change back.

Homer: Well of course, everything looks bad if you remember it.

Homer: Ooh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man from Happyland, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane! Oh, by the way: I was being sarcastic.

Homer (to a parrot): See that's where you're wrong pal. It's not enough to want a cracker! You have to earn it!

Homer: Facts are meaningless, you can use facts to prove anything that's remotely true!

Homer: Good things does not end with 'eum'. They end with 'mania' or 'teria'.

Homer: I've seen plays better than this, honestly plays!

Homer: Everytime I learn something new, it pushes something old out of my brain.

Homer: 'Distracted', what a funny word. I wonder has anyone ever been 'tracted'. I think I'll call the suicide hotline and ask them.

Bart: Wow! The universe is so boring.

Homer: Marge, I'm bored.

Marge: Why don't you read something?

Homer: Because I'm trying to reduce my boredom.

Mr Burns: I want you all to think of some inspiring thing someone else may have told you over the course of your lives, and go out there and win!