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In God We Trust

Homer(saying Grace): Dear Lord, thank you for this microwave bounty, even though we don't deserve it. I mean... our kids are uncontrollable hellions! Pardon my French ... but they act like savages! Did You see them at the picnic? Oh, of course You did ... you're everywhere, you're omnivorous. Oh Lord! Why did You spite me with this family? Marge and the kids: Amen!

Ned Flanders: I've done everything the Bible tells me to do, including the bits that contradict the other bits.

Homer: I've come to hate my own creation. Now I know how God feels.

Homer: I wish God we're alive to see this.

Homer: Hey Flanders, it's no use praying. I already did the same thing, and we can't both win.

Homer: Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though it says it's okay in the bible.

Lisa: Really? Where?

Homer: Oh... Somewhere towards the back.

Homer: Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot-oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such-and-such.

Homer: I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is, and it's me.

Homer: So here's the deal: you freeze everything as it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. ... OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, please give me no sign. ... Thy will be done!

Marge: Homer, the Lord only asks for an hour a week.

Homer: Well in that case he should have made the week an hour longer. Lousy God.

Homer: It's a good book, but it's so preachy. Everyone's a sinner except this guy.

Marge: Bart! Stop pestering Satan.

Abe Simpsons: The good Lord lets us grow old for a reason: to gain the wisdom to find fault with everything he's made.

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