Homer: I've only seen this movie twice before; I've slept with you every night for the last eleven years.

Homer: Marge, I've missed you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation.

Marge: Homer, is this the way you pictured married life?

Homer: Yeah, pretty much. Except I imagined we would drive around in a van solving mysteries.

Homer: Maybe marriage isn't just for gays. What's that thing when a guy is gay for a girl.

Homer (to Reverend Lovejoy): Well if you love the Bible so much why don't you marry it. 'I now pronounce you man and wife' - you're the wife ... he he he!