Milhouse: We started out as Romeo and Juliet but it ended in tragedy.
Homer: A nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
Bart: Dad, if there's a really special girl and she likes some clod who's beneath her, what should you do?
Homer: I married her!
Homer: Son, a woman is a lot like ... a refrigerator. They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and ... oh ... No, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
Lisa: Mom, what do you say to a boy to let him know you're not interested?
Homer: Let me handle this, Marge, I've heard them all. 'I like you as a friend'; 'I think we should see other people'; 'I don't speak English'; 'I'm married to the sea'; 'I don't wanna kill you, but I will'. Six simple words: 'I'm not gay, but I can learn.'
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