Homer: You have to learn that there's a little Homer Simpson in all of us.
Teacher at School for the Gifted: Bart, what other paradoxes affect our lives?
Bart (hesitantly):Well, you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't.
Homer: Oh. My dreams will go unfulfilled? Oh, no! I don't like the sound of that one bit. That means I have nothing to hope for. Marge, make it better please, can't you make it better, huh?
Marge: Homer, when a man's biggest dreams include seconds on dessert, occasional snuggling and sleeping in til noon on weekends, no one man can destroy them.
Homer: When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
Homer: I agree with you in theory Marge. In theory communism worked. In theory.
Bart: Cartoons don't have messages, Lisa. They're just a bunch of hilarious stuff you know, like people getting hurt and stuff, stuff like that.
Homer: I guess some people never change. Or, they quickly change and then quickly change back.
Homer: Well of course, everything looks bad if you remember it.
Homer: Ooh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man from Happyland, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane! Oh, by the way: I was being sarcastic.
Homer (to a parrot): See that's where you're wrong pal. It's not enough to want a cracker! You have to earn it!
Homer: Facts are meaningless, you can use facts to prove anything that's remotely true!
Homer: Good things does not end with 'eum'. They end with 'mania' or 'teria'.
Homer: I've seen plays better than this, honestly plays!
Homer: Everytime I learn something new, it pushes something old out of my brain.
Homer: 'Distracted', what a funny word. I wonder has anyone ever been 'tracted'. I think I'll call the suicide hotline and ask them.
Bart: Wow! The universe is so boring.
Homer: Marge, I'm bored.
Marge: Why don't you read something?
Homer: Because I'm trying to reduce my boredom.
Mr Burns: I want you all to think of some inspiring thing someone else may have told you over the course of your lives, and go out there and win!
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