Blackboard Jungle
What is Bart writing in the opening credits of each episode?

I will not waste chalk

I will not skateboard in the halls

I will not burp in class

I am not a dentist

A burp is not an answer

I will not aim for the head

I will not fake my way through life

I will not get far with this attitude

There are plenty of other businesses like showbusiness

High explosives and school don't mix

I will not belch the National Anthem

I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty

Coffee is not for kids

I am not a 32 year old woman

I will not spank others

I will not defame New Orleans

I will not bring sheep to class

I will not eat things for money

I will not prescribe medication

I will not sell land in Florida

I did not invent Irish dancing

I will not snap bras

Indian burns are not part of our cultural heritage

I will not sell school property

I will not encourage others to fly

I will not drive the principal's car

I will not conduct my own fire drills

I will not sleep through my education

I will not do that thing with my tongue

I will not make flatulent noises in class

I will not demand what I am worth

I am not delightfully saucy

Five days is not too long to have to wait for a gun

Not Involving Bart

I Will Try to Raise a Better Child - Marge, during a parent teacher meeting with Mrs Krabapple


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